There’s levels…

Shahs of Sunset S6E11

“There’s levels. There’s levels. There’s levels. There’s girls that you’re friends with. Girls that you sleep with. There’s girls that you date. There’s girls that you engage, and there’s girls that you’re gonna marry.” – Mike Shouhed, Shahs of Sunset

I’ve been living in the levels. All the levels. 

“Hello, my name is Leandrea, and I’ve been living in the levels.”

Sheesh. 

There’s girls that you’re friends with. I’m a great friend that’s a girl. I don’t need too much attention, just the occasional plus one, respond to my text, take most of my calls, and keep my favorite snacks and drinks at your place for hang outs. I’ll advise you on your relationships. I’ll support your courtships. I’ll stand up for you at your wedding. I know my place. 

Girls that you sleep with. AKA: Friends with benefits. One night stands. A hook up. Fuck boys. Fuck girls. I don’t want to be that. I don’t want to be that girl. Let’s be friends or not. Let’s date or not. But, I don’t wanna be a conquest. I’ve been that level, and it doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not a good look. 

There’s girls that you date. I’m perfect at this level. I’m an ideal dateable girl. I think I’m fun, a chameleon that can make most situations work. I’m available, with notice, and I’ll try almost anything once. I will hold you down. I’ll build you up. I’m charming with your family, and I’ll be friends with your friends. 

There’s girls that you engage, and there’s girls that you’re gonna marry. I’ve been engaged, twice even. Never married. Not yet. I don’t know that I’m even ready to be that girl. But, I’m down the street and around the corner from the final level, and it makes me want to vomit in my shoes…a little bit. 

Marriage isn’t necessarily the finale any more. Divorce is always on the back burner. It’s just simmering waiting for either person to turn up the heat. Sheesh. But, I’d like to think I’ll only do it once. I want to believe it will work until something like forever.

When I’m ready. 

Maybe I’m just the dateable girl. Converting into the live with girl. Always the plus one and vacation with girl. The never ending friends with girl. Maybe those are my levels. 

But, true success lives just outside of our comfort zone, right? Maybe? That could just be a clever self help slogan. 

We end up living through the levels. It’s life changing. It’s challenging. It can be overwhelming. 

So, I’m almost in the last level. Struggling, but I’m here. And, I’ll do my best to see it through. Because this is the plan. And before I got to this level, it was all I ever wanted. Now that I’m here and it doesn’t look the way I expected it to look or feel how I expected it to feel, I’m doubting everything. EVERYTHING. But, I’m going to try. 

 If it all goes to shit, I can just start over…right?

That’s not really how I’m moving into this, but it’s the truth. If it all goes to shit, we move forward…battered and bruised. That’s okay too. 

Side note: This post went in its own direction. Definitely organically written, zero planning, and off the cuff. 

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Are you showcasing your best self?

As single ladies, we are constantly on audition for the right relationship. You NEVER EVER know where your Prince Charming may be hanging out. Although not the right man, I’ve met men grocery shopping, getting my oil changed, pumping gas, and out and about town. You NEVER EVER know who might be in your vicinity. (This is also true with business connects and opportunities.)

Are you ALWAYS showcasing your best self…generally speaking?

I don’t expect you to roll to the convenience store in a full face of make up with your Louboutins on to grab a Red Bull, but you can put on decent clothes and a bra. You can. You must.

Stop being lazy, and complaining that opportunity always fails to knock on your door.

You may have missed Prince Charming because you weren’t approachable. But fear not, God will put him back in your path. Be ready.

How? Easier than you think. 2 things to focus on. Yep, just 2. And they are both sure fire ways to change how you’re showcasing yourself.

1. Check and reset your “Resting BITCH face.” (borrowed this phrase from my diabolical friend, Courtnee)

Your resting face is the facial expression you most often make when you assume no one is paying attention. It’s usually your thinking face. Some of us scrunch up our noses or foreheads. I have a tendency of wrinkling up my nose because of my glasses. I have to be careful of wrinkling my forehead, a few of those wrinkles have been sticking around.

Your “resting bitch face” is the expression you give off when your resting face is done horribly wrong. It’s when your resting face looks more like a horror mask, or grumpy cat, than you wearing your thinking cap.

You may need to check your resting face to ensure it doesn’t come across as a “resting bitch face.” Look in the mirror, and see if your resting face is approachable or scary.

In a nutshell: LOOK PLEASANT! Easy enough? Yep.

2. What are you wearing? “Lounge-wear style.”

I am so guilty of this. I love my casual, rested, styling. I could live my whole life in lounge pants, leggings, and tees. You could bury me in my Banana Republic sweats.

But it’s often not enough, because lounge wear is meant to be lounged around the house in. So, add a few accessories, pedicure those toes if you must wear your foam flip flops, smooth on some BB cream, and a few flips of mascara and it will turn that casual look intentional. No buttons, snaps, zippers, or hook-n-eye needed.

Because even lounge wear can be styled, but most of the time it’s just not. It looks like you should be home, or somewhere, avoiding the public’s judgmental eye.

We CANNOT keep expecting anyone to envision us in the latest trends. We CANNOT expect the single men of the world to see past our messy ponytails, oversized hoodies, and “what the hell you looking at” expressions.

We MUST make an effort. We must step up our style and demeanor to a display level. We MUST be prepared for who ever else is also running errands.

And as much as I’m preaching to you, I’m preaching to me.