My good friend was telling me about her good friend that set her up with their good friend. That’s a lot.
Before this conversation, I always felt strongly about this. I don’t think your friends should ever set you up with their friends. People they know and like, sure. But not their friends. After her story, I’m convinced I’m right.
Why? Seems harmless, but most of the time it’s a disaster.
So the story goes… She agreed to go on a date with him. Spent a few dates having fun and getting to know him. It was nice. She thought he was a good guy, but at some point realized she wasn’t interested in having a relationship with him.
What she didn’t know was that he was calling their friend after every date, conversation, and text giving a full play by play. Their friend was directing him, pushing for their relationship, and gassing him up to be her Mr. Right. I’m sure she was practicing her wedding speech for them, imagining being godmother to their children, and patting her self on the back for a job well done.
When my friend tried to break free from him, just be his friend, and keep it moving, he freaked out. He had already discussed the ins and outs of their relationship with their friend. He discussed their one sexual encounter. He spoke about things that should have been private between the two of them.
Their friend chastised her. Fussed about her not being open to this man. Told her he cried for her, kept her up late at night talking about their relationship, and was really trying.
She went back. She felt she owed it to her friend, twisted obligation. She was miserable, and when she finally broke away, she lost them both.
The relationship was never organic. It was always a puppet show. It was always being controlled by an outsider.
My rule has been never date your friend’s family or your family’s friends, or your friend’s friends either. IJS.