Instructions on dating. 

I’ve been seeing someone, but we hit some rocky patches this summer. We dialed it way back, and now we’re dating each other. Trying to fix what’s broken. And, I’m dating  a healthy handful of other people too. This is good for me. Commitment and love don’t really work in this phase of my life. I need to see and be seen for a while. 

I went on the driest date of all. Mini date, coffee and conversation. Nice first step. Let’s break the ice. Let’s try something. Cool. 

Not cool. 

When you invite someone for coffee and conversation, you should be prepared to pay for the coffee and participate in conversation. IJS. 

1. Be prepared to pay, if you invited me. 

Because, I expect the person who asked to pay. 

I have my own funds, because I see everyone didn’t learn that. But, it says a lot about a man who A. didn’t meet me online and already knows what he’s getting himself into, B. isn’t broke AF, and C. has some manners. In his defense he offered to pay, but he used the phrase, “do you want me to get that?” Really?! I responded, “nah bro, I got it.” I literally said “bro” or more like “brah” in an attempt to show him this date just died. Then I pulled out my frequent coffee card and started this madness.

2. Conversation!!! 

Why don’t you, grown man, know how to have a conversation? Why don’t grown people know how to carry on a conversation? Why is this hard? It’s a tennis match. I say something, and then you say something. Nope. Silence. 

Then I took out my phone, checked Instagram, sent a text, and faked an emergency situation I had to leave for. Snatched up my coffee and my bag, and I was out. He was still asking questions in the back ground. This was super dry! You asking questions about where I was going, what I just said, and to please hit you up later was more than you’d mustered in the 5-10 minutes we’d been sitting there. 

It was only 5-10 minutes? Geez, it felt longer…much longer. 

3. What do you want? The reason why I’m still playing the field is because the boys on the field aren’t sure what they are playing for. 

Huh? What do you want, sir? 

The first guy, had me. I was his. We were trying the committed thing. He was hinting at loving me. I was feeling all the feelings. We were good. Until he started letting his actions and his words do drastically different things. Then when he was questioned, he was too tough to just apologize and put things back on track. He was too hard to be vunerable. So I left. I packed up my emotions and fled the scene. And, he realized that wasn’t the outcome he wanted. He realized he wanted me. He wanted this. He wanted to live the life we were in route too. 

Because you always want what you can’t have…human nature. 

I’m not ready to take him back the way we were before. I can’t keep investing with no return. Nope. Not me. Not again. So, I’m playing the field. I know exactly what I want, but I’m not giving it away for compliments and dinners. Work for me. 

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Online Dating

Online dating, ummm…it’s not really my thing. Well, I’m not good at it. Feels like a meat market. And, I find myself questioning why the guys I don’t even want to interact with don’t get past the viewing stage. Over active ego, yep that’s me. Maybe we both knew that the nudge, wink, flirt, etc would have been lost on me anyway. And, I respond to EVERYONE. As a southerner, I find it rude to not speak back, but in the online dating world that’s equal to false hope. Ugh! Where is the handbook? Oh, there’s no beginners guide? SMH

I’ve dated a couple guys. I thought that getting to know them through other means would give me different results. Not so much.

In theory, online dating should be great for the single mother. We are busy multi-taskers that need options. We need as many things on our own terms as possible. So having the freedom to review possible suitors while doing laundry, dishes, or cooking dinner is perfect. Or, at least it should be. But, there’s a level of commitment that isn’t always being reciprocated online. Some men talk a good game, but they’re only looking to hook up. You have to be careful of that.

Is it worth it? I don’t know. If you are recently getting back into the dating world for whatever reason, or in a new area, this could be a good option to meet new people and/or have some casual, practice, dates. It can even be a way to make new friends. (I made a great friendship from an online dating disaster.)

Online Dating DON’TS:

Do NOT meet in a private place. Much like a new man you meet at a bar or elsewhere, you don’t really know each other. There’s no reason for him to know something as personal as where you live, and vice versa. Don’t meet anywhere you are uncomfortable. Only have meetings in well-lit, public, areas.

Do NOT feel obligated to have sex. If that’s what you went into this arrangement expecting, ok. But if you’ve been hooked into thinking it’s a traditional date, you can keep it that way.

Do NOT be afraid to ask him what he is looking for. Unless you are dating for sport, this is a valid question.

Do NOT be afraid to say no, or say nothing. Speaking is free. Agreed. But, in the online dating world it can also be misleading. And, no one can make you share any personal information with them.

Do NOT misrepresent yourself. Be who you are! Again, BE WHO YOU ARE! Don’t hid from your truth, but put your best most current foot out there.

Be wise. Be strong. Be smart.

Disclaimer: There’s sometimes a stigma attached to online dating. It’s for the lonely, desperate, or those looking to “hook up,” right? Not necessarily, no more than the assortment of people trolling bars and hot spots. Sometimes it’s just an option when the other options haven’t worked.