Jacob Blaise

  

Has it really been 10 years?

This is the most important man (-child) in my life. 

My son is 10 years old today! We have learned from each other, and this has been the most incredible journey of my life. I love this kid. He is compassionate, intelligent, silly, and genuine. He’s sarcastic and funny. He’s sweet and kind. 

He has my whole heart, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 
Wishing Blaise the best, happiest, and most fulfilling birthday, AND LIFE!!!

All my love, MOM

  

And yep, this is only about 2-3 months worth of selfies. I might just have a problem…

Pregnancy scare

I’m too old for this.

I’m great with my birth control. I’m fantastic at tracking my cycle. I rarely make mistakes. James changed me. Actually, I never make mistakes.

So imagine my surprise when my start date came and left with no festivities. Huh? This doesn’t happen to me. Sexual mishaps cost me $44. Even with my birth control, any mistakes require the morning after pill. I’m that particular about motherhood. Again, as in my post Baby?, I love being a mom. But, my next kid needs to come with a family. If you want me to grow your seed, you need to put a ring on it.

The current situation, I have 4 of the 7 early pregnancy symptoms, per the internet. I have failed a couple pregnancy tests though. And, now I’m gonna have a glass of wine. Because I’m stressed enough without adding the possible pregnancy with the man that’s no longer speaking to me.

Disclaimer: A missed cycle can be linked to many things. And, my other symptoms of fatigue (work is killing me right now), food aversions (I’ve always been a quirky eater), and frequent urination (I’ve started drinking more water to get healthier), can be attributed to life.

Life Lesson: The moment you convinced yourself of something, it’s easy to create ways to justify it.

Baby?

I want a baby! I love the life I have, but I always envisioned at least one more child. And, Blaise is growing up so fast. I just want those moments one more time. Please…

Every time a man brings up having a child my heart almost jumps out of my chest. Then I’m reminded of the drama filled chaos with the 1st Chris and the heartbreak with James. I want to believe it could be better, but it could be painfully the same. I know better.

Being a single mom is hard work. I have done EVERYTHING for Blaise with little outside help. My parents have been there and been supportive, but everyone else only has to do what they want to do. I don’t have that luxury. No one has ever given me a break when I felt overwhelmed or allowed me to cry on their shoulder. I have carried the good and bad times, emotional, physical, and mental, on my back alone. And, that’s fine because Blaise is my son. I don’t regret anything about him, EVER. I just don’t know if I’m up to doing it again the same way.

So I wait it out, right? Probably not. I’m 33 years old. I have less than 2 years to meet Mr. Right, fall “in love,” get married, and make a baby. I don’t even have a prospect. I don’t have a chance. Instead, I let this go. I continue to thank God EVERYDAY for the blessing that is Blaise. And if I need to hold a baby, I politely ask a stranger and hope for the best. LOL

Disclaimer: There are added health risks and complications after a woman turns 35. I don’t want to take that chance.