Can you give in to what’s happening?

I had a conversation with the ex, the other day, about what tore us apart.

Long story short, you could’ve had everything if you just gave up some control and submitted to what was happening between us.

Instead you controlled everything. You micromanaged everything. You refused to let your guard down enough to trust my intentions. You held your feelings in so tightly I couldn’t fit in your life.

And, I couldn’t do this any longer.

So here’s my unsolicited advice, go for it in the next relationship. Experience the journey. This will be life changing. Relationships are designed to change us. We grow from our experience.

My last relationship, before the last relationship, was emotional chaos. I spent so much time trying to figure out what just happened, what was happening, or what was going to happen I often struggled to enjoy the moment. It was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, and wandering where we were headed. It was exhausting.

It launched this blog.

I had to get out of my own head. He was an emotional rollercoaster, disrespect and disregard where the norms. I stuck it out for way too long.

He taught me a lot though. I am a different person because of what that relationship showed me about myself, what I’m willing to accept, and what my wants and needs are.

I don’t regret it. I appreciate the journey. There were good times, and although the rough times caused me to bend, nothing in our relationship caused me to break.

He was a part of the journey. I submitted to the journey, and I’m better for it.

The short of the long is take the journey. Enjoy the moments. Put your guard down. Feel the feelings. Lose control.

Nothing is promised to us. This could all be over in the blink of an eye. Just have the experience and learn the lesson. It’s all a part of your journey.

Key word today was journey. I overused it 6 times. 🤷🏾‍♀️😏

Insanity

We broke up, but we didn’t stop the rollercoaster.

So when I say what I won’t do, I’m obviously lying. Because, I’m still doing it. I’m still in this cycle. I’m doing the same thing again and again, and expecting a different outcome.

This is extreme foolishness or irrationality. I’ve gone mad. I am the definition of insanity.

And, I’m exhausted.

I don’t even know if I want to win, or if I’m really in it anymore. I’m just going through the motions hoping to not slip into the relationship vortex.

Which means, I’m running around the edge of the vortex, in socks, on a waxed floor. I’m out of control.

How did we get here? How did I get here? When did I give up and give in? When did I stop fighting for myself?

I don’t know.