I took my parents to the movies last night. It was the first time we had all been to the movies since The Color Purple, in 1986.
And, that’s such a cool memory for me…however vague it is. I sat, and slept, on my dad’s lap watching The Color Purple, at Joy Cinema, 32 years ago.
Last night, you would’ve thought I financed a major event. I was beaming all night. How cool it was to take my parents to the movies! We saw BlackPanther, and they loved it!
This is the best movie experience of my life…tied with The Color Purple.
Yep. We broke up. We are two individuals. No longer a couple. No longer a team.
We came to a realization. We were both miserable. Loving each other. Enjoying most of our time spent together. And, waiting for the chaos to unfold.
It needed to end. We need space. We need an opportunity to go our separate ways. If we are led back to each other, great. If not, it was an interesting run. Either way, if we stop this now, we can still be civil. We can even be friendly, and we can eventually be friends.
If we stop it now.
If we continue going this way, we will hate each other. There will be no going back. It will be too far broken.
That would be a loss.
Too often people stay too long. They beat the hell out of that dead horse. They hold on to a relationship for an outside reason. Finances. Property. Comfort. Kids. They make each other miserable because they don’t have guts enough, or resources, to let each other go.
We freed one another, and it feels good to be free.
Update: I held on to this post for days. Felt too real to admit I’d failed at another relationship. But then the realness hit. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t going to be happy. The relationship was over. We weren’t compatible. I was done.
What I know:
I’ll never date another man without kids. He can’t understand parenthood and sacrifice the same way.
I’ll never lose my voice again. If I’m not being heard, then I’m talking to the wrong person.
I won’t give more than I’m getting expecting him to catch up.
I won’t allow myself to follow blindly.
I won’t allow myself to be talked down to.
Every year, I assume this is the year I’m gonna figure it all out. I go into it with clarity and focus, and then things start to slip. LOL.
This year is different. I don’t have a big plan or any major agenda. I’m going to enjoy the ride. I’m going to explore what I don’t know, and be insanely confident in what I do know.
It’s that simple.
There are so many beautiful things to enjoy, and I’m not taking myself too seriously. I’m gonna loosen the reigns and appreciate more moments. I’ve been way too tightly wound.
I just feel so sure that I didn’t make it 37 years to fall apart now. So relax. Calm down. Enjoy the show.
My actual birthday, January 24, was amazing. Thanks to everyone who sent me birthday well wishes. I appreciate it much more than you know.
Disclaimer: This picture was taken on my birthday vacation, with a fresh blow out to counter the saltwater attack. Thanks to Emma from Scotland, in the cruise ship salon. It was right after lunch, cool air blowing from every direction, and totally relaxed reading (the Gideon series from Eric Jerome Dickey) and watching the Gulf of Mexico off the back of the cruise ship. Spent the day before trying out a variety of Cuban cigars, having a delicious margarita, standing in clear blue waters, and haggling over unnecessary purchases all in somewheresville Mexico.
God is good. Life is good.
Here’s to 37.