I’ve had a long and often complicated relationship with this one guy. I saw so much potential in us, sacrificed so hard, and prayed for us almost daily.
I’m 36. I felt this had to work. We had to be successful. I honestly felt like it was my very last chance. Because, in those moments I saw my options for another child, this grand life, and all my goals slipping through my finger tips. We had to work. Right?
No. We didn’t. We weren’t good for each other. We weren’t focused on the same agenda. We didn’t have the same goals. We just weren’t right for each other. I had to get that into my rock hard skull. I had to learn to live without him.
I had to learn that we only entertain what’s important to us, and he wasn’t really entertaining me.
I had to learn that if it worked out, this would always be my life. I would always be hurt. I would always be disappointed. I had to learn that we weren’t creating a partnership, he was teaching me how to settle. I had to learn that his love would never be enough for me. I had to learn that it wasn’t the sacrifice I was meant to make.
And, I’m still learning how to let go. I’m still figuring out how to let go of the investment I made with zero return. Because that’s what it’s all about.
Really, that’s it.
I gave so much for us. I invested so deeply. I tried so hard. There’s gotta be a payoff, right?
Sometimes there’s nothing left. Sometimes you just lose. I lost. But, it’s kinda losing the battle not the war.
Because winning is sometimes losing, right? I’m choking on my on words.
I’m on the other side of that chaos. Still wishing we had a friendship to show for the time we spent in each other’s lives, but grateful that he left me in a place to meet this new guy.
Because this guy is making an equal investment, and I’m looking forward to all the adventures, life, goals, and opportunities we will explore TOGETHER.
“Last night took an L, but tonight I bounce back.” -Big Sean