There’s nothing I hate more than investing in someone I knew I shouldn’t have invested in. Nothing. I. Hate. More.
Well, I hate being ignored more. But, it’s a close second.
I gave this relationship a chance despite the NUMEROUS red flags and warning bells that told me otherwise. I was committed to trying because I saw something really good and genuine in this man, and I was right. He is good. And, he is genuine. But, he’s also handcuffed to his family in a really unhealthy way. He bends over backwards for the most unnecessary reasons, asks for advice and to discuss things only to do the opposite, and makes plans only to break them when he’s drug into family foolishness.
Am I being too judgemental? Yes, and no. I can’t do this. I respect anyone’s ties to their family. I understand your responsibility to your people, but I don’t respect you being manipulated and controlled, realizing it, allowing it to continue, and expecting me to go along for the ride. I’m not doing any of that. Especially when you realize it. Especially because you ask to be free of it as you go running back into it.
At some level, he’s really happy in this chaos. He’s really enjoying living this life. They need him, actually use him, in a way that I never will. I can’t fill that void, because it’s dumb. And, I can’t live in it. I can’t play second string to your family’s ridiculous expectations.
Disclaimer: I’m no one’s wife. I don’t expect to out rank anyone’s mother or family as long as I’m standing in the girlfriend role. But, I do expect someone to honor their commitments, and to be strong enough to stand up for themselves when they are being sucked into foolishness.
Because when we make plans 2 weeks in advance, I expect you to do whatever it takes to fulfill those plans. I don’t expect you to drop me, but expect understanding, just to go rescue someone that didn’t really need to be rescued. They’re just entertained that you came running.
Enjoy this insanity. I hope it doesn’t destroy you.