If you REALLY need me. 

“If you really need me…” is my new least favorite saying in the world. Congratulations! 

It’s kinda bogus. It’s full of the best intent, though…similar to the road to hell. 

It could be just what people say to justify not coming through for you when you needed them, but they determined you didn’t really need them. SMH

I have a list of emergency contacts a mile long. You can call my mom, dad, sister in Dallas, or brother in LA. You could call my grandma. She can’t come herself, but she has a hotline to the whole clan. You can all my Auntie or uncle, or other uncle, or other aunt, or other aunt, or other aunts on my mom or dad’s sides. You could call my cousins, local and long distance. They would come, if I really need them. That’s how we were raised. Maybe not all of them, but enough to handle the situation. You could call a host of friends and a handful of exes. You could randomly pick from my contact list, and they would probably be there for me, if I really need them. 

I have emergency contacts. I’m good on that. 

I’m looking for people I can reach out to, if I only kinda need them. I want to call you just because. I want people that are ready at the drop of a hat. People that will come out whether I need them, really need them, or want them. 

I want the person who will come over and watch weekly TV because it’s our thing. I want the person who I can call on because I found something hilariously funny, incredibly sad, or just worth sharing. I want the person who shows up because they wanted to show up, or because they wanted to see me, or because they need me, but not necessarily really need me. I want there to be no real reason. I want there to be no real intent. I want just because. 

Disclaimer: No shade to the man that I was exchanging these text messages with. I believe he meant those words with 100% sincerity. And despite the messages in between, I bet he would show up if I really need him. That’s just not the relationship I’m looking for. 

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