Be careful of your approach. 

Little situation happened the other day. 

I was at work, working. I’m in retail so I encounter a lot of people daily. I try to engage everyone. I try to give the customer service experience that I would want, to as many people as humanly possible, while juggling all the other retail responsibilities. 

And since I’m at a children’s store, I meet the occasional single dad. Most of the time, I just offer my opinion or direct him to the right area of the store. I don’t put off a single and available vibe. So, I can usually shut down advances with little effort. My entire being screams I’m busy and I’m not interested…most of the time. 

Plus, you are probably bringing baggage that I don’t want to help you carry. 

But the other day, my shields were down. I was being friendlier than usual. My customer service green lighted a romantic approach, unbeknownst to me. He asked for my FB handle. Sent a me a friend request. I promised to approve it. This came after he invited me to his church. I thought it was innocent enough. Assumed he was just holding me to religion, something like the modern day door knock. Okay. 

He later messaged me. I expected that.

Service starts at what time? 

What’s the address? 

Will your pastor mind that I use the Bible app? 

None of that. He told me he wanted to get to know me. Okay then. I’m not sure. I’m not quite sold, okay then. At least you put the ball in my court. 

I don’t know this guy. I didn’t look at him romantically. I didn’t even expect to be friends. I thought we would barely speak on FB, I would eventually “unfollow” him, and everything would be just fine. I never considered anything more. 

So, I’m flattered. It’s always nice to be noticed when you aren’t putting forth any effort. But, I’m not really in the headspace to entertain this right now. And, I tried to politely tell him that. He asked that I contact him when I was free, but he contacted me again shortly after to ask why I hadn’t contacted him. I was short with him. Sorry. 

He gave me his number. He asked me to text him. I was still distracted. 

When I finally got back to him, it was still on FB. I use FB a lot. I message through the messenger app more than through my cell provider. I used it because I prefer it, and because I wasn’t ready to share my phone number. 

The messages seemed a little heavy, but I didn’t sweat it much. He’s looking for a wife. He’s praying for her. He focused on that. He asked what I was looking for. 

Me? I’m looking for your age and occupation. I want to know what kind of music and movies you like. What was your favorite vacation? What’s your dream vacation? Are you in your career? If not, what’s pending? What are your goals? All the typical stuff you are supposed to know about someone. 

I was the typical dude. I was freaking out. I was wanting to say I’m looking for friends first. Whoa. Slow down.  

So when he asked me if I was on the same page, the nice girl in me said “similar”.

The messaging stopped soon after. I was feeling a little overwhelmed, but not ready to cut and run. I was exhausted. Long day. Long week. Maybe my feelings were mixed up with stress, and I could give this honest effort another time. 

The next day, I woke up late. Said my morning pray. “God walk me through all the stressors and opportunities of the day. Thank you for your blessing. Please watch over son.” I checked my phone. Before I could unlock it and run through my daily games and emails, I noticed an FB alert that it was his birthday. What are the odds?

I messaged him some short HBD message. Longer than just HBD, but still reasonably short because we barely knew each other. 

He responded by reprimanding me for not texting him. Wait. What? There was no thanks for the message. Nothing resembling a “good morning.” Just him explaining to me that he’s already asked me twice to text. He shouldn’t have had to ask that many times, and he wouldn’t be asking again. 

Excuse me?! You don’t ever have to ask me anything again. You can just forget I exist. I don’t know you. You don’t me. So, I politely excused myself. I don’t need this. 

Then he came back with a more kind version of the same reprimand. But, I’d already heard that. Blah. Blah. Blah. 

So, the next attack was comments about me not ready to be serious. Agreed. You are right. 15 minutes after kinda meeting someone, I am not ready to be serious. True dat. 

I spoke my piece. Had to reread it multiple times because my fingers were going a mile a minute. Gave my perspective. Bowed out gracefully. 

He dialed it back. He changed his approach. Everything softened around the seams. 

It was too late. I was done. 

I promised to sleep on it, but I woke up confident that I had made the right decision for me. I was done. 

Your approach sucked. You pushed too hard. You expected too much. You can’t expect me to be on the same page when you aren’t even fully explaining which book you’re in. 

My advice to you, as a none expert, is take time to be in the moment. If you are interested in the next woman, get to know her. You don’t have to lay your whole plan out on day one. Maybe you just give her step one of the plan. And, you gauge the relationship to see when, and if, you can start exposing the next steps. 

I think that God may have brought you to my door for me to give you pointers when you meet the right woman. Just that. Nothing more. 

No hard feelings. 

2 thoughts on “Be careful of your approach. 

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