I’ve been giving benefit of the doubt. I thought maybe I’d overreacted. I started easing myself back into…whatever this is. I thought maybe I was being too sensitive. Things will probably get better, right?
The other shoe dropped instead.
He and I talked late in the week, last week. I was letting the earlier stuff go. Starting fresh. I’d had a rough day. I’d had a really rough day. He reached out. The uneasiness I’d felt before seemed small in relation to this person asking what was wrong.
I started where I was right then. I’d forgotten that I’d pulled away, and he didn’t have much of the back story. So I started to tell him how this man came into my house. That was just one of the things that happened, but it was the one that had me most uncomfortable. Some man had come into my house while I was in the shower and my sick kid was asleep on the couch. The hell?!
He was surprised. Me too. And, I’m the girl you like telling you about a situation that could have ended really bad. You’re surprised. I get that.
As I started the story, he got a call. He clicked over the first time, but when they called back he had to take it. Okay. I get it. But, he never called me back.
He got busy. I get it.
But, he sent me a text later saying goodnight. Huh?
I text back that he never called me back.
I. Hate. To. Be. Ignored.
You never called back. I was upset. I hadn’t spoken to many people about what happened. And, finally I could just own my feelings with this guy and say I’d been really scared. And, you never called back.
The next day I get a good morning text. I responded that he’d never called back. I was expecting news that would put my spoiled, selfish ass, in check. Something big may have happened. Someone, somewhere, wasn’t safe. The bad that could have happened to me, could have actually happened to someone he really cared about. He was gonna probably put me in my place, huh?
He got something to eat. He got his mom something to eat. He did housework. He watched TV. He took a shower. He went to bed.
Okay. That was my response text. Okay.
He apologized. I said okay again.
Then I called him. He was busy. He said he would call back. And, he did.
I kinda went left. Adult-like, though. I told it like it was with few bad words and no name calling.
This isn’t the first or second time this has happened. But, this time I was actually looking forward to putting this mayhem on his plate. I was scared and upset, and this was an ideal time for him to save the day. I was gonna be a damsel. I was gonna be in distress. Try something different.
Never again, though.
I told him that I expect what I give. If I forget, or get busy, and don’t come through, I offer an explanation and apology. No one has to tell me or remind me. It’s like owing money. I always remember who I owe. Just own it!
Again, I was highly emotional due to circumstance, but we had also already had this conversation a few other times. Once when I politely asked, and again when I owed the apology for not doing what I said I would do because something came up. My face got rubbed all in that one, and I was forced to just own what happened. And again just like this, but without my temper tantrum.
So, he’s on ice. Or, I’m on ice. This whole thing is on ice. I just need a break. It’s too soon for all this damn drama.