I’m seeing someone, again.

Same guy from before. And, I’m trying so hard. Maybe I’m just not ready. Maybe this is too much. Maybe this is just a bad idea. 

IDK.

I just can’t seem to make this work. It still doesn’t feel right. 

We had lunch together. He asked, and I accepted. I was actually looking forward to going. He’s a really nice guy. 

But, it fell apart…again. I brought up politics during our lunch. Nothing deep. It wasn’t whether he was with her or for him. It was a simple question, “are you going to vote?” I know it breaks the don’t discuss politics rules, but we had already hit all the safe topics, I’d already participated in the neighboring table’s conversations, and I’d commented on every ingredient of my salad and sandwich. “This chicken is seasoned so well, and I’m surprised how good these cucumbers are so late in the season.” It was complete silence. 

We were just there. Neither of us had moved to leave, but there wasn’t much to stay for. 

Let me set a match to this discomfort. “Are you going to vote?” Explosion. And, our date went up in flames. He didn’t even notice. It turned into him aggressively debating his point about how pointless voting would be, and me sitting their quietly with my eyebrows on fire. 

Then time caught up with me. I had to run. Honestly, I had to run. I was escaping, but it was with reason. 

At the door, he walked out ahead of me. His entire body was outside the door when I caught up. And, he held it behind him until I walked out. I hated that. It was a small thing. But, I was bothered by it. I felt like an after thought. You didn’t turn around and ensure I didn’t break my neck falling through the door or save me from getting smacked in the face. You held the door behind you, like I was a stranger. You held the door, like I’m not the girl you want to sleep with. You held the door, like you didn’t want this to go anywhere.  And, it bothered me. 

I’m trying. Or, am I nit picking? I know the political situation had me feeling some type of way. I know my radar was on high because of the last guy. I don’t like to be ignored or feel ignored. I don’t like that I’m feeling this way in the first 60 days. 

I think I’m trying. 

I just don’t know. 

It’s not supposed to be difficult this early. 

With everything I allowed and let go with the last guy, I just don’t want to make the same mistakes. I don’t want unnecessary aggression. I don’t want to be disregarded. And, I don’t want to second guess my decision making.

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