“What a wicked way, to treat the girl that loves you…”

“What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you…”

I’m not much of a Beyoncé fan. Just telling the truth. I think she’s talented, but I don’t subscribe to the beehive. 

But when you’re picking your heart up off the floor and your emotions have been spinning out of control, an album like Lemonade will speak to you. 

Right now the song Hold Up means everything to me. I know, I’m late. 

“What’s worse, looking jealous or crazy?”

I still don’t know, and I’ve been both. 

It’s over now. I wish I could say I got the strength to walk away, but really he cancelled the insanity. I would still be deep in dumb shit, wondering when it would end. Actually, I was praying it would get better. I’m not sure why. 

This was a horrible relationship, but he only did what I allowed. I wasn’t his victim. I was madly in love with a man that wasn’t ready for me to be madly in love with him.

He pushed me away, and I ran back. I was like a stray cat, and he fed me. He kept feeding me. I didn’t know if I was supposed to stay or move on. It was emotional chaos. 

Ouch. 

It’s not my finest hour, or 105120+ hours, or 1095+ days, or 156+ weeks, or 36+ months, or 3+ years. 

It was a foolish relationship, and that’s not typically me. I usually keep my head on straight. I don’t get caught up in the silliness of love. I love with logic and stay rational. I listen to my head. I examine every reservation. Usually. 

I’m not embarrassed. I’m still a little wounded. Still hurt. But, I’m rational on the other side. I’m feeling strong. And, I’m going to be just fine. 

I feel like myself again.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s