I am too much, because I’m not for you. 


I could fold myself in half, bend until I break, but that wouldn’t please some people. 

Not talking about anyone specific. IJS

Some people aren’t destined to get you. Some people aren’t meant to be in your life. Some people aren’t your people. It just is what it is. 

We have to figure out how to decipher between the people we are meant to fight for and the people we are meant to let go. And, it’s easier than you think. You will just know, despite wanting to hold on. Love won’t keep you in that place. Lust won’t satisfy you. You’ll feel it in your soul. Leave or stay will be the simplest decision you’ve ever made. 

Maybe I AM talking about someone specific. Just maybe, though. 

I don’t like anyone. 

I don’t think I genuinely like the new guy. I don’t think that my feelings match his. I’m not ready. I’m not really into this. I said I wanted more than I actually want. Don’t be mad. 

I’m totally disappointed in the old guy. He hurt me for sport. 

I’m ready for commitment, but I’m not great at it. 

Obviously. 

When I try, I get shit on. When I don’t try, I shit on someone else. 

It’s a no win situation. 

I slept on this post. Tried to figure out how to own all the emotion that goes with it. 

Here goes, and it’s the best I’ve got. 

Nothing hurts me worse than trying and failing. It’s devastating. Especially in relationships. Especially. In. Relationships. 

I’m typically so absent from my feelings. I’m rational and logical. I don’t lead with emotion. It’s not my thing. I’ve built emotional walls all around me like a fortress…none come in and none go out. It’s defensive, and it usually works. But sometimes, I slip up. And, I try. And, I love someone. And when I love someone, I’m all in. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for that person. And, I’m forgiving. And, I’m understanding. I try incredibly hard to make things work. I want the best for them. I want to be the best to them. Their happiness is important to me. 

I try not to sacrifice myself for them, but I typically do. I bend for them. I work towards our success. I work towards our future. 

I love them the best way I know how. 

So when that’s manipulated, disregarded, or trashed, it’s hard. 

It probably took me a lot to get there in the first place. It probably required a lot of prayer and soul searching for me to love them. I probably had to make sacrifices. I probably second guessed that love. I probably did a million behind the scenes things to get myself to a point that I could express that love. 

And, it didn’t work. 

And, I don’t know what to do. Because, I wouldn’t have driven all this way to be disappointed. 

I don’t know if I can do it again. The silence is peaceful and alone isn’t always lonely. 

I don’t want to like anyone that’s not guaranteed. 

Envious

So, I’m at work obsessing over this customer with marble looking hazel eyes and super long lashes. Her eyes are beautiful. And, she seems to be generally kind. I’m wishing for eyes like hers, similar to hers, or at least a little hazel around the edges. 

And while day dreaming about an eye swap, we make eye contact. I smile thinking she must think I’m crazy for staring. She smiles back and compliments my hair. She tells me it’s beautiful, and she loves natural hair. She apologizes for staring at me. 

What?!

I thanked her, and complimented her beautiful eyes. We both reacted like we’d heard our compliments before. We were far more excited to give than receive. 

There’s always something incredible about you that the world is noticing. 

Appreciate your own beauty, and stop being envious of those around you. 

You are so incredibly beautiful!

I am insane…well I was. 


I got my feelings hurt over the weekend. It’s a basic situation. I defined insanity. I expected someone to be more than they are capable of being. 

People show you who they are everyday. You must believe them. Even when you want them to be more. Even when you believe in them. Even when you love them. You must believe them. Because they’re trying to convince you of the truth. They are telling you that nothing will ever be any better than it is. Because this is who they are. 

So be grateful that it didn’t go any further than it went. Be grateful that it didn’t break you in half, and that you made it out stronger than before you went through it. 

Thank you for hurting my feelings, this time. I’m devastated. If that was your goal, you should be proud. You got me right before I thought I loved you. 

Try again…again

Is there anyone not HEAVILY impacted by their last relationship?

Probably not. 

Is there anyone willing to let go of whatever happened and try again?

Maybe? Any takers…

I think that’s the biggest and best advice I can give. (I’ve probably given it before.) Let go of whatever hurt and anxiety you’ve tethered yourself to. Get back out there. Give someone new an honest try. 

Because we’ve all experience it ALL. We are all holding on to past heartbreak, upset, and failed expectation. We are all hoping for something better than the time before. But, many of us are unwilling to try. 

If you end up dating me, I’m not your exe. I’m not those old feelings and experiences. I might be the best thing that’s ever happened to you, but you won’t know unless you let your guard down. 

Actually, I’m not her right now. I’m trying to put my guard down with the newest new guy right now, but you see where I’m going with this.