Priorities


We make time for what’s important to us. And, I must not have been that important to the new guy…or the old guy. 

Because history repeats itself, I found myself being reprimanded for expecting another man to follow through on his commitment. No one, but God, your kids, and your mama, should make you break our plans. If you say you’re going to do something I don’t expect your homeboy to change our plans. Your homeboy? Aren’t we too old to let our homeboys change our plans with our significant other? Huh? Really? Aren’t we? I don’t understand. 

You can’t be too tired either. They are plans not spontaneous request. We planned them. You should have planned to be well rested. You should have planned your finances. You should have followed the planning example and planned some stuff.

Key word here is plan. 

Definition is (verb) to decide on and arrange in advance. 

Used in a sentence: We made plans. Did you always plan to break our plans?

My time is as precious as yours. And if I make time for you, I expect you to make time for me too. But, that’s not what happened. I made myself available to you. I came through for you. I was there when you asked, why can’t I get the same? Why do we have to negotiate? Why do we have to discuss at length? Why do you need to know what I’m giving back in exchange? Ugh!

You make time for what’s important. You break your back, bend over backwards, move mountains, and whatever else people say. You don’t drop the ball.   You do NOT drop the damn ball. Period. I don’t know everything, but I’m certain of that. 

So, I’m a free agent again. How many of you saw that coming from the moment I mentioned the newest new guy? And as usual, I’m good. Just made out with another frog looking for the prince. SMH 

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The Confessions

I do reckless stuff when I feel overwhelmed in relationships. 

I have a tendency to get careless when I feel out of control. I make bad decisions. I do dumb things. 

I like the new guy. True, there are a number of things that make me wonder if I should jump ship, but I like him. I really do. And, I want to see where this goes. And, I want to enjoy the ride. 

But…

Every time there’s the least bit of trouble, I seem to want to sabotage everything. 

I want this to be easy. I want a daily sign, affirmation, that this is right. I need to be sure that I’m traveling in the right direction. I want to feel sure about things. And, I don’t. 

It’s really soon, though. We’re still counting weeks more than months, haven’t reached a celebratory anniversary, and I can’t yet fathom a year. 

I want to enjoy this. I want to appreciate it, but I don’t want to get hurt. 

Wow. 

That’s the truth. 

I don’t want to be hurt again. I don’t want to be disappointed. I don’t want to get duped. 

And, I know that’s me projecting the past into the present. I know that. But, the past really did happen to me. And, I’m a little jacked up from it. 

Just hoping he likes me enough to give me some time to work through my crazy. It’s not radical crazy, no one will be harmed, and we can still have dates during.