Today…

Today started off really rough. I mean really hard. 

I try REALLY hard to be a good mother, friend, daughter, and ex girlfriend. I try really hard to meet people half way, support them when needed, and come through ALL OF THE TIME. I try. I’m not always successful, but I always try. 

Today, when things spun out of control for a bit, I looked around and felt really alone. 

And, it’s no ones fault. I’m not calling people out. I’m not a victim. I understand that everyone doesn’t have time to console me when my morning blows up in my face. Everyone can’t handle my stuff. Some are barely handling their own stuff. 

It made me realize I need to be more self reliant…yep even more than usual. 

So, today I prayed. I asked for guidance not for the ex to care more about me and my stuff or for the friend to have the right advice. I prayed for resilience not for someone to fix it for me. I prayed for patience and clarity, not a partner to complain with. And, I feel better. God led me to the right resources. God turned down my anxiety. And, God dried the tears before they’d left a noticeable mark. 

Today started REALLY rough, but it has all the potential to be a really great day!

Hang in there, I know it gets really hard sometimes. 

God is able. God is capable. God is available. 

Update: Tonight it hit me again. My emotions got the best of me…again. And, I didn’t feel better until I cried it out. I let go of the control and cried until my tears ran out. Now, I just want to rest. 

Praying for sweet dreams. 

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