Would you rather be right or have peace?

This is my all time favorite question. I ask this of myself and anyone seeking, or not concerned with, my opinion. Because, there are times that we are absolutely positive that we’re right. We are so right, it’s magical. But, being right doesn’t solve anything. Just as not being right doesn’t really hurt us. Maybe being quiet is more peaceful. Maybe? Probably. 

Just the other day, I had a disagreement with a friend. He’s been in my life for years and in many capacities. We’ve been heavily involved with each other, and we’ve spent long periods not even speaking to one another. It’s been a rollercoaster of a relationship, but it’s always had purpose and importance. It’s always had a place in my life. He’s always had a place in my life. Until recently, when he had rather be right than have peace…again. 

We had a disagreement, dipped in lies, and layered with disrespect. I asked for the reason we’re still holding on in each other’s lives. I asked for his viewpoint. I wasn’t avoiding putting my two cents in either. I was seeking some Dr. Phil-esque conversation that would help define, and push, our relationship. And, he made it about my physical attributes. I expressed frustration. I expressed upset. Just answer the question in a respectful way, feed the conversation. Because if you can tell me why you like my boobs, you should be able to talk to me why you like the entire package. Well, not the package. Tell me about us, personality stuff. He didn’t have an answer and he got eerily quiet. I had an answer, or my opinion, on the glue in our union, and there are no body parts involved. But for him, it’s been this many years and our multifaceted relationship is held together by my breasts? Wow. 

So, it ain’t that deep. I can be hurt, but it doesn’t mean our relationship is that shallow. Stung a bit, got a little lost in my feelings, but really it’s not the end of the world. Until, he started to make fun of me. He called me names. Really? He told me I was just “fishing for compliments.” Really, my biggest issue right now is the compliment. He continued to explain to me how ridiculous I was being. Called me a brat and drama queen. Threw around race, even. Seriously? I tried to explain to him that my feelings were valid, and he was being rude. I’m not even asking for an apology or for him lay his head on the guilotine. I’m merely asking him to stop disrespecting my feelings and being rude.  Easy enough.  

This is how the mole hill became a mountain. 

This went on for a while. I’m editing this conversation down considerably. It ended with me checking out. I ultimately said, “I’m done.” And, he responded with, “Omg 😲🔫” 

Needless to say, our relationship is on the rocks, over a cliff.  

He felt like he was right. I get it. He saw me as being over emotional. That’s fine if you disagree with me. I was being emotional. I was looking for validation on this friendship I was planning to take to my grave. What are we doing? Where are we going? 

Did you need to be childish? Did you need to win? I had shut up. I was done talking to you. I was out. I even told you that you won. I just wanted it to stop, because this name calling and aggression is what broke us before. You got to feel like you were right. Congratulations. But, there’s no peace. 

 

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