You don’t deserve me.
You were manipulative and immature.
I don’t deserve you.
I heard that you loved me, and that’s beautiful. Thanks. But love is an action word and you haven’t been showcasing those actions…for me. You haven’t been kind and considerate. You haven’t been courteous and consistent. You hurt me for no reason.
I didn’t deserve for you to play in my life, tie up my emotions, and keep me from finding someone real. I didn’t deserve that.
And, you didn’t deserve for me to give you unlimited chances, try to hold on through it all, or push you to figure things out.
It was all too much.
You never deserved me, and I didn’t deserve you.
Wow. I wrote this 79 days ago. I can remember the emotions tied to it like they are fresh. It was a rough time. It was a painful moment.
Realizing that someone will never be who you want them to be, no matter how much love, support, and understanding you give them is…I don’t even have a word for that emotion. It sucked. And, I was in a bad place.
Then, I realized we didn’t deserve each other. And, that was powerful for me. I didn’t do anything to deserve the amount of disrespect and disregard I got in that relationship. It wasn’t me. It had nothing to do with me. It’s his issue. And, he didn’t deserve the love and sacrifice I was offering. He wasn’t ready to value me.
Not the end of the world.
Dusting myself off.
Ready to move on.
Today, 79 days and countless tears later, I’m no longer hurt. I’m not even mad. I’m good actually. Because I see him for who he is, and I govern myself and my emotions accordingly.