I’m not easily overwhelmed. I can usually handle anything that comes my way. I can typically roll with the punches. Might be shook, but seldom do I fall. It’s just the way I’m wired. Thank my parents for resilience.
But, this love, or something like it, stuff is too much. My relationship recently hit a brick wall. Hard. I didn’t even see it coming. Didn’t realize what happened until it happened. Still reeling. Trying to pick up the pieces of chaos and make sense of it. Easier said than done, my friends. Much easier.
Found myself becoming one of those girls I preach against. Questioning everything. Looking for my own faults. Second guessing every word I’ve ever said. Desperate. Miserable. Aching. Wondering what happened. And, why.
It just happened. He holds answers he’s not willing to tell. Life just changes sometimes. Things don’t always work themselves out.
Reading back over the many posts hinting at him, this was inevitable. He hasn’t done anything to convince me we were real. He just didn’t want to do this anymore. Ouch. Damn. Sucks. Life.
So, I had to step back. Dial down my insanity. Stop the calls. Stop the texts. Stop FB. Turn everything way down for a minute. Needed a break to figure it out. Piece together the chaos.
3 days. Maybe 5 days. But that’s it. The demise is 6 days out. How many more days do I need? Don’t know, but I’m only allowing myself a handful more before I just start faking it.
So FB is closed. Twitter is up and running. We have no Twitter connections. I’ll blog. I’ll tweet, and I’ll do Instagram. But, for him and FB I’m closed until further notice.