2014 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,400 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 23 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

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Mister…who?

Another one bites the dust. He was probably starting to screw things up while I was writing the first post, I met someone. I should have trusted my first instinct. I wasn’t ready, and he was too intense.

He wanted to replace the last guy. He wanted to be too much to soon, and I couldn’t handle it.

I need to just focus on me for awhile. I need to be ready when Mr. Right comes around.

Cue the music…

Plans are made to be changed, right?

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Watching something Kardashian right now. Khloe is freaking out about turning 30 because she isn’t where she planned to be in her life. Me too, girl. Me. Too.

I thought, for sure, I’d be running my own business and juggling a husband and 2-3 kids by now. Ummm…nope. I was supposed to be in a different place, but I’m not.

I’m 33. I don’t have a husband. I DO have a perfect son, though. But, I didn’t have him in the situation I’d planned out. My career isn’t as planned. My business is sitting at a stalemate.

Nothing is according to plan. Nothing.

And, a HUGE part of me wants to pull it all back together. I want to fix it. I want another baby and a man (not sure about marriage anymore). I want my business to flourish. I want to let the retail life go to focus on the other stuff. I want things to get back on track…a decade late.

But what if it doesn’t happen? Am I interested in having a baby? Yes. But, am I interested in continuing as a single mom? I don’t know. I don’t like being a single mom. I don’t like it at all, but I can do it. I’ve been doing it. And, my son is perfect. He’s perfect. Seriously, he’s perfect.

And, marriage freaks me out. I want forever with someone. But, that same forever makes me anxious. Does that mean I just haven’t met the right person? I don’t know.

Planning is great, but you can plan all day, straight through the night, and into tomorrow and it just not work. Life is designed to rock you. You’re supposed to be thrown into the impossible to figure it out. Life is just that way.

So to all of you, to us, who’s plans didn’t work out, it’s okay. Instead of being stuck in what didn’t happen, let’s figure out what is happening. Pray over the change, and keep going. Time is going to keep moving, and God changes plans for better outcomes than what we could have ever imagined.

Thin line…

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“It’s a thin line, between love and hate…” – The Persuaders

There is a thin line between love and hate. Because the people you love the most can hurt you the most.

I can hate the way you treat me, and love you all at the same time. It’s unfortunate, but it’s true. You can be so focused on the good times, the plans you had for your relationship, and the love you have for that person that you will let a lot of things go. You may allow situations to push you to a disastrous point when you feel like you just can’t take anymore.

We should all appreciate the person we are with. They are making a choice to be with us. They are no more obligated than you are to continue in the relationship. They can and will leave you if their needs aren’t being satisfied.

I can love you through your faults and shortcomings, but I must love myself more. I can and will pack up and walk away. Your sincerity may not matter anymore because it’s too little and too late.

You know there’s hope when it can be fixed with a sincere apology.

If sincerity can’t fix it, your hate just crossed that line completely.

Uh oh.

In the song, the woman finally gets enough of her man not appreciating her. And like a fool, he didn’t see it coming until it happened. How much did he expect her to take? Her silence wasn’t ignorance. It was speaking volumes. He ignored it.

Oh well.

You see your ex…

There’s nothing more painful, in that moment, than seeing your past happily out with their new present. It’s devastating. It’s like being kicked in the gut, and it takes everything you’ve got to maintain your composure. It’s a fight or flight moment, and your legs feel like gelatin, your heart is racing, your head is firing off thousands of memories, and the situation is closing in on you.

You want her to slap his face. You want her to instantly hate him. You want her to be furious for any reason. Because the look of devastation on his face would be the only thing that could make everything better.

And one day, maybe, his FB status changes to single. You just happened to notice or someone messy tells you. She’s gone. He’s alone, and probably upset. And, you feel amazing.

Just don’t go back.

Because your closure is his unhappiness.

Sounds awful, and it kinda is.

But, the very best remedy to my broken heart is your broken heart. It’s better than any apology. Having the opportunity to witness or know you’re devastated, makes all my pain lessen. It’s true.

This is another of those times I’m saying what other people are thinking and refuse to say. It’s not cute or kind, but it’s true.

Reverse of that is…

You’re out, with the new guy. You’re having a comfortable time enjoying the newness of your relationship. Then, you spot him. It’s the past, and you knew that you’d run into him again, but you didn’t expect it to happen like this. You were supposed to be dressed to impress with a full face of make up and surrounded by 10 handsome men attending to your every need. You’re just hanging out. Casual. And, you’re with him, the present. A part of you feels great. This is the next closest thing to your original plan.

But, you loved him. And, the sad look on his face seeing you out with the present stings a little. You didn’t want to hurt him, as much as you wanted to be free of his chaos.

Now, it’s fight or flight. He saw you. He saw you happy. He saw you with the present, and that’s enough. You’re done. That’s your closure. Because in that moment he realized that he lost an amazing woman in you, you are no longer an option, and he screwed up.

His unhappiness is your closure.

I met someone.

So, I met someone. Yep.

Life moves fast. You can’t let the grass grow under your feet, right?

The new guy, Mister. That’s how I’ll regard him until we see if he sticks around. Mister is a really nice guy. He comes across genuine and ready for a grown folks relationship.

He checks in with me. Wants to know how my day went. He’s been my sounding board and my confidant. He makes me laugh, and he thinks I’m hilarious. Mister gives me space when I need it, and he makes himself available to me.

When I told him that I have no idea what the next 6 months holds for me, I don’t know how long I’ll call Houston home, he said we will just focus on the moment. Swoon. He just wants this time to count. He just wants to be the highlight of my life here. Wow. Those were all the right things to say, sir. Kudos.

I wouldn’t usually do the rebound thing. I know I’m still an emotional mess after the last guy, but this feels good. This is easy. I’m not stuck feeling like I’m attempting a two man job by myself. Mister wants me, too. I feel like this guy could be a great guy even if he’s not the guy. And, that’s okay, too.

Welcome to my life, and my blog, Mister! Yay!!!

Don’t screw this up…