It’s getting too comfortable…

She said: My relationship is getting too comfortable. I don’t think he appreciates me anymore. I need to liven things up or move on.

I said: Wait, if you’re thinking about moving on that’s a-whole-nother conversation. Let’s focus on livening things up.

I said: First, what have you tried?

She said: Nothing?

I said: Okay. (Laced with sarcasm.) Maybe both of you are too comfortable. He could be having this same conversation with one of his friends, too.

Us: Silence.

I firmly believe in dates. I’ve missed that most in my recent gigs. We stopped dating. You shouldn’t. The moment the relationship loses that zest, you lose the relationship. You need quality time together based on nothing more than spending time together. You can’t sit at the dinner table, going over finances, and consider it quality time.

Why don’t you two sit at the dinner table, discuss finances, and come up with a date night allowance. For this first time, allot money for two dates. You plan one, with him in mind, and he plans the other, with you in mind.

“…in mind.” Because, you want it to be enjoyable for you both. You want to pick something, even if you’re introducing the other to something, that can be fun for you to do together.

After the dates, schedule weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly dates. Do something you’ve always wanted to do, or have experiences you want to share with one another.

There’s more. Why don’t you exchange letters? You’re concerned about the comfort and appreciation in your relationship. Use this as the resource to break the ice. Start the conversation. Fix the problem.

This is easy. In your letters, write the 3 things your partner does for you, or your family, that you appreciate most, and the 3 things you do for them, or your family, that you enjoy most. And when you exchange your letters, read them aloud. Share the moment.

If you are too comfortable, push your limits, mix it up, and change things. Relationships require growth and development too.

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