Valid question…ask it aloud, look in the mirror, and answer yourself.
There are a few ways to answer this. You can have too many, not enough, or it’s just right. (Am I channelling Goldilocks?)
Too many (too hot)
When you have too many people in your relationship, it’s the same as embracing too many people, fulfilling too many needs, and heeding too many opinions. And, it’s dangerous.
I’ve been here. I’ve been in a relationship with my man, our parents, our children’s parents, BFFs, employers, and all those along the way. We got lost in the mix. We focused so much on pleasing EVERYONE else that our own needs stopped being a priority. Then we turned on each other. We stopped being a unit, and started venturing towards the loudest people on the outside.
Suddenly he and his mom were battling, in our relationship, against me and my mom. We were becoming strategic, manipulative, and cunning. We were truly at war and focused on the win.
Then it was over. The armies went home to there loved ones, and we were left sitting alone on opposite sides of the battlefield.
You can only survive in this type of relationship for so long. It will either implode or one of you will check out. Then you go from too many to not enough.
Not enough (too cold)
When you don’t have enough people in your relationship, you are in a two person relationship by yourself. Is someone checked out? Are you making all the decisions, dragging them along? Or are you making your own decisions and living separate lives? Does your interest lie in being in a relationship, or are you avoiding being alone? Are you holding on to each other in case this is your last chance at a relationship? Seriously?
Often, you really have to examine your relationship to identify “not enough.” The person carrying the relationship may not even realize it’s happening. They are so comfortable doing for their partner and supporting their partner that they don’t realize their own needs aren’t being met. Or much like my Sex in the City post, we hold on waiting for things to work out.
Just right (ummm…just right)
You are in a healthy, respectful, partnership. Neither of you is winning or losing, and it’s not even a topic of discussion. You are moving through life concerned with the growth and happiness of your relationship. Not worried.
Where does your relationship lie? Be honest.
Be honest about what’s going on in your relationship. If needed, commit to fixing it, or get out before anyone gets (more) hurt. Have those hard conversations. Put your feelings on the table.
Don’t rest until it’s “JUST RIGHT.”
Be brave. Be strong.