Roles and Responsibilities

Do we not have roles anymore?

I’m kinda confused.

I’m kinda old school. I think there are some preferred male and female roles. It’s not that there are things either of us are unable to do. There are things we excel at.

My design is primarily that I’ll handle the house, and he can have everything outside. I can do most of the cooking and cleaning, laundry, organizing the points of our lives that overlap, and general household stuff, my domain. He can maintain the outside of our homes, lawn care, kill the bugs, take care of our vehicles, and all the other stuff that the 1950s suggested men do.

This was how I was raised. I never saw women catering to men in a docile way. I saw two people managing where their interest and strengths lie. My mother seldom stepped foot outside, unless it was to get the mail. And, I can’t remember my father ever doing any laundry. They weren’t incapable of doing certain things. But, they certainly weren’t interested. And, they didn’t ask extra of each other. They played to their strengths.

And my grandparents, married 1000 years, had roles and responsibilities too. Their marriage ran like a fine oiled machine. I appreciated that.

Naturally, I expected this in my life. So imagine my surprise to be talking to a man OFFENDED, by my desire to do OUR laundry, iron OUR clothes, and even pick and lay out OUR coordinating outfits when we have events to attend. Your only accessory is a tie. We were disagreeing over me picking the tie. Huh?

Where I’m from, this is what we do. It doesn’t mean he is anymore incapable of doing this than I am at getting my own oil changed. I’m just probably better at this. Much like he’s probably better at avoiding putting divets in the yard while mowing.

Despite me being sure I’m right, he disagreed. He said I was being controlling.

Well do everything yourself then, and I’m still gonna expect you to kill the bugs!

The breakdown: I want to feel needed and appreciated for more than just sexual favors and his standing plus one. I want a role in our relationship that solidifies him needing me in his life. Because I’m offering that, Captain Bug Slayer.

I know this understanding and arrangement takes time and an understanding. I’m not naive about that. I just like the end game.

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