So I took some emotional hits last month.
Someone made a number of baseless accusations about me. No biggie. I expect people to talk about me. They talked about Jesus. What hurt, was that the person they ran to tell believed everything. And, they used that as their platform to tell me all the things they had issue with too. Wow. Not only am I defending myself against lies, but I’m having to defend myself to someone who claims to know me. And while you’re asking me to give someone benefit of the doubt, did you stop to give me that same courtesy?
I get it, I’m a tough chick. You probably felt those accusations validated your feelings. Is it because I am a no nonsense girl with commanding personality, or was there a level of intimidation I didn’t even know was between us? I’m not sure. You blindsided me. You put stuff out there that you’ve been holding for years, I assume. You hit below the belt. You called names. You told lies. You manipulated.
You hurt my feelings.
I’m not sure if it’s possible to ever get back to where we were. I’m actually more sure it’s not possible.
Trust is an easy thing to break and near impossible to repair.
Additional information: This all went down while my two best gal pals are hugged up with their new guys and sitting around waiting for their babies to kick. I was in the trench alone. (Disclaimer: I’m not jealous or upset with them. I’m actually really happy for both of these women, because they deserve the happiness they are experiencing. It’s just weird to not have either of them to run to. They couldn’t pick up the pieces of my life this time. Damn. Buck up buttercup.)
Disclaimer: I am the common denominator in all MY drama. I absolutely have faults and played a role in this situation. The sentence just didn’t fit the crime.
Disclaimer 2: I am too old to claim naive. I have to look at all sides and agendas, play this back, and examine it in detail. It will be 100% unacceptable for me to EVER find myself in this situation again.
This just in: And then suspect one said that most of those accusations were false. I kinda believe her. Naive? IDK. Her body language. Her words. Her behavior. Everything said honest. We got to something resembling the truth, and settled the matter as much as we could.
My guard stays up, but I turned on the invisibility shield.
Suspect number two gave me a lot to think about. Some of her behaviors felt projected on to me. And, it still stings to think I was defending myself to someone I shouldn’t have had too. But, this is life. Everyone has an agenda. If yours aren’t identical, beware!
Proceed with caution!