There have been relationships that were perfect on paper. You know the guy that is perfect for you in theory. Been there and done that.
My guy was the perfect coffee shade. (I don’t just date the Al B. Sure types.) He was gainfully employed, driving a recent SUV, and wearing a tailored button down shirt and slacks with Kenneth Cole shoes. He kept a clean apartment. It was perfectly decorated for a corporate American bachelor. He loved his mama, and he was genuine. But, he was demanding, dismissive, and selfish. He had worked so hard to accomplish what he had. And although he cared about me, he couldn’t put me higher on his priority list because of the demands of his career. Our plans were rearranged, weekend getaways cancelled, and my feelings disregarded. And, in his mind no one worked as hard as he did. He couldn’t respect what I did. He always saw it as a “little banker job.”
Disclaimer: I supported his aggressive work ethic, but I wanted to be considered too. It wasn’t the change in our plans. It was the way he handled it. You can’t get mad at my disappointment because you had to hide yours from your boss. You can’t hate the plans I make when our plans fall through. You have to accept the collateral damage. And, don’t dismiss my work just because we do different things. I value my contribution to my company and expect you to value it too.
Why didn’t I stay until he made it to the plateau he was looking for? Should I have cut him a bigger break due to his workload? Why did I give up? Why wasn’t that the guy I wanted? He was perfect on paper.
Was this that whole good girls rather bad boys? Did I want to struggle through hardships instead of struggle through his corporate climb up the ladder?
Or is perfection overrated?
Here me out…
I don’t need perfection. I don’t need a specific type of man. I’m not “shopping” for a man with a certain dollar amount, home, car type, or outfit. I need the right man for me. And, his packaging may not be what I expected. Because the perfect man wasn’t always that perfect.
There was never going to be a happiness plateau with him. 10 years later and he is still on the climb. There’s no wife. There are no children. He’s married to his job. He is still wearing tailored clothes, moved up to Italian leather shoes, driving a BMW, and living in a new bigger and better apartment. And, when I was in his town last we made plans. Then work came up. He cancelled through a text. I said okay, and I had dinner with some other friends. And later when I listened to his voicemail asking if he could “come through” when he wrapped things up, I realized something profound. Some things never change.
I don’t wanna live a lonely life in a beautiful home and a fancy car. I’m fine in my non-luxury SUV, and middle class home. I want companionship and compassion.
That’s my perfect.