The LIST

It occurred to me that I have referenced “The LIST” a number of times, without giving much direction on how to create one.

Here we go. Pencils ready?

1. List the qualities and attributes you want in a partner.

2. Define what you mean. Be brief.

3. Organize them between wants and needs.

4. Commit to your list.

5. Keep your list available. Keep it relevant. They are subject to change.

I started my list of the qualities I’m looking for. Wait, I’m not supposed to be looking. Qualities I’m praying for.

1. Compassion. I’m a tough chick. Not too many things can get me down. Nothing breaks me, and I seldom bend. But if I do bend slightly, I want you to be the one I go to. I want you to have a compassionate hear and a shoulder if I need to cry.

2. Confidant. I have friends. I have this blog. I have multiple means to get things off my chest, but I rather run to you. I want my man to be my best friend.

3. Provider. I can take care of my son. I can provide financial and emotional support to him, but I find it’s far more difficult to emotionally support myself. And although I don’t need your funds to pay the bills, it would be nice to build more leisure for us all with some help.

4. Willing to sacrifice. Can you consider my feelings, wants, and needs even when they aren’t in line with yours? Will you choose us, or me, over you when it matters most?

5. Cleans up well. I’m a casual girl. Most of my clothing comes from one of the Gap, Inc. brands. I don’t need a man in 3 piece suit from day to day. But, I expect you to be dressed well most of the time, and clean up impeccably.

6. Conversationalist. We have to be able to talk. And, our conversations need to be in a vast array of topics. You need to initiate an equal amount of those conversations.

7. Attractive. Attractive to me. I like oddity and character. Your uniqueness is attractive, but I also want a face I adore and a body I desire.

8. Superhero. Sounds crazy, but that’s it. It’s my best description. I want to feel like there’s nothing you can’t do. You are strong and a force to be reckoned with. You protect us. You care for us. You have an “S” on your chest, too. I want you to be everything I envision a superhero to be.

9. Integrity. You MUST be a man of integrity. I will not settle for dishonesty or poor principle. Your integrity ensures you being a family man and all that entails. It guarantees your commitment to our relationship, our family, and our future.

These are all requirements. I left my petty wants off this list, but stuff like being taller than me is still on my master list. These were some of the top things I’ve highlighted on my long list. These are my deal breakers. If you can cover all this, we might be able to be the same height.

Disclaimer: I’ve been making and revising my list for more than a decade. Life changes. Your needs and expectations change, too. The list is supposed to be a guide to avoid settling for less than what you need in a relationship. It’s not meant to be a vain blueprint for a man that doesn’t exist. Be realistic.

Disclaimer 2: Remember he may expect you to live up to the same traits you require of him. And, he probably has his own list. This isn’t a meat market. It’s about finding your perfect connection.

And, it is always with me as a resource and reminder.

The LIST was referenced before in blog posts The LIST: brainstorming and Is a bad man better than no man?

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