I’ve dropped the L word about 2nd Chris a few times. Ummm…maybe not, I don’t know. Is it possible to love someone who doesn’t treat you well? Is it possible to really fall into a one sided relationship, honestly? Or, is there some deficiency that your lack luster relationship is feeding in you? Are you mistaken on what emotional needs are being met? I think it’s ALWAYS worth asking yourself if it’s love, lust, or obsession.
James was 100% lust in the beginning. Again, we appeared in each other’s lives when we both were starved for attention. We were having a good time without expecting consequence. Our relationship grew and developed to a point of love, but it took years. That was never the intended direction.
2nd Chris may have been obsession. I’m still not convinced I didn’t love the man, but I’m questioning why I tolerated some of the stuff I dealt with. I was physically attracted to him from the word go. And to have that reciprocated in such a major way was amazing. (I’m not the coke bottle I used to be. I’m closer to a liter bottle than a vintage glass these days. I struggle with feeling sexy and desirable. In my head, I weigh 1000lbs.) I was head over heels crazy about the way he wanted me. I never wanted to give that feeling up…obsession. We needed intimacy…lust. And, there’s no limit with me. I just want the best for him. I want him to feel appreciated. He often talked about the responsibilities he held in other people’s lives. He is so needed; I wanted to be the one who valued him beyond what he provided…love. Or, am I being a chameleon again? Am I gonna say we are perfect for each other next? Who knows, but that’s doubtful!
Are you experiencing love, lust, or obsession? It’s a valid question. And, you have to figure that out to determine if you’re in the right relationship. Obsession will fade or be replaced. Lust may last forever, but real relationships require more depth. Love is elusive. We are all desperate to catch it. And, because of that desperation we often confuse something else for it.
I think love is something that comes organically as a feeling. It’s not created in deeds. And, it should not be difficult. It should be peaceful and comfortable. You should question anything that isn’t. Be honest with yourself, and get the most out of the relationship you’re in.
Obsession is never healthy.
Lust can be fine if everyone is on the same page.