I’m perfect for you, but you’re bad for me.
How many times have you thought that? I have, a few times. I am a chameleon. I am a nurturer. I can be a total conformist. I can position myself to be perfect for you, but it isn’t necessarily my truth. I just thought I wanted this relationship.
I dated this guy many years ago. He was awful. He was a narcissist that I thought I was falling for. He convinced me that he needed me and I needed him. I was down. No one could tell me we weren’t meant to be. I excused cheating and other bad behaviors because I thought we were supposed to be together. I understood him. I supported him emotionally and mentally. I was perfect for him. And, he knew it.
However, he was bad for me. He only appreciated the way I cared for him. He took everything I gave, and never offered anything back. He was in love with the way I was loving him. However, I was just in place to be all the things he needed me to be.
It took longer than I care to admit for me to break away from that relationship. I enjoyed being needed by him. I loved being the girl he called for everything. Of all the girls, I assumed there were, I was the one he called.
He wasn’t using me, right? I didn’t spend any money on him. I wasn’t going too far out of my way for him. I was his girl. He was my guy. This was how relationships worked when two people were perfect for each other, right? Nah…wrong.
Relationships shouldn’t be hard. They require work and dedication, but shouldn’t be hard. If I was stressed out questioning loyalty and honesty, I must be in the wrong relationship. If I was giving so much that I didn’t even recognize who I was becoming, this wasn’t love. It was lust, desperation, and a strange type of comfort.
It’s easy to recognize a ridiculous relationship in hindsight. It’s simple to see the faults of your situation when you’ve escaped it. But, what do you do in the moment? Relationships are the commitment of two people. Both of you should be pulling your own weight. It should be double sacrifices and desires. A one sided relationship isn’t a relationship at all. Recognize when you are the only one participating in growing and strengthening the relationship.
I finally left that relationship. He moved on. He married a woman he had cheated on me with. She divorced him after he had a baby with someone else. That could have been me. Fortunately, I figured it out before it went any further.
Maybe I wasn’t perfect for him. We were equally bad for each other.