Reconnected with a guy I never had a great connection with in the very first. Just practice dating, for the most part. He’s a nice guy. There’s no chemistry, but in a different scenario, we would’ve been great friends. Good friends. Probably friendly.
He hit me with the intense questions early on. Why didn’t we work? What happened? And, of course, I gave all the best textbook answers. We didn’t have the strongest connection. Let’s just be friends. Bookended with, “you’re a great guy.” Thankfully he accepted those answers. He nodded agreement, and that portion of our conversation ended with, what I’m assuming, was a genuine smile.
Then he hit me with, “what do you even want?” Felt abrasive. He chuckled at the end.
“Is this an attack?” I asked with a laugh. Outright laugh. No chuckle. I’m humored.
“Not at all. I just wonder if you know. Many women don’t. Or, they can’t articulate it.” His back was straighter. He recognized he’d hit a nerve.
He didn’t know that I’m a master of articulation. “I just want to be really important to someone.”
“Explain.” He’s really looking for a response. Ready to hang on my every word.
I went on to explain that I want to be considered, prioritized, thought of, and desired. It’s not complicated. Golden Rule really. Treat me the way you want to be treated.
I want to cross your mind, even in the most trivial moments. Your intentions include effort. You want me to know how much you care for me in word and action. It’s tangible and intangible.
Because that’s what I’m offering. It’s not one-sided here. I’m living my expectations.
Haven’t I said this before. Haven’t I had this conversation with some man who claimed he didn’t know what I wanted. (Periods used because those aren’t REALLY questions. They’re statements, because I have.) Frustrating. I’m so transparent. Articulating and shit.
He asked how he didn’t do that. No. No. No. This isn’t an attack at you. Not about you. Chemistry. Remember?
Disclaimer: Although stated with heavy sarcasm and annoyance, this is not a cry for help. Please don’t bombard me with all your positive energy. I’m fine.
I just recognize that the feelings of importance are the most important to me today. Who knows what the future holds.